Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
