look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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