she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
