You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
