im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
