Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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