I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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