My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
