please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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