I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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