The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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