Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
