I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
