I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
