The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
