Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
