if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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