Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
