I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
