I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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