dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
