Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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