just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She bit a glass in half.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
