Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
please come you make the beer taste better
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
