i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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