I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
