Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
All I want is dick and wine.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
