Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
