It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
