This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
