you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
