Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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