I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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