Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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