Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
