the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
