girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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