sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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