we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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