jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
