i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Pants are for mortals
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
