I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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