life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
