we have officially lost it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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