every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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