You can't motorboat a personality
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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