Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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