After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
