Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
