my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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