Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
