If that was your dad, he is hot
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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