They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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