i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
