Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
