I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize