Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He shit in the fireplace
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
