if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
