Where are you?
In a non slutty way
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
