You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
