Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
