I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
