You really coming over, don't trick.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
