You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
How's work?
Spinning.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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