Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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