But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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