wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
