he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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