OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
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I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
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Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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