I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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