I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
