Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
