You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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